How to Raise a Mennonite Rebel
De-stabilize the mother. Without the mother’s consent, during her third pregnancy plan a move from Steinbach to Winnipeg.
When the mother begs to stay in the family home, at least until the oldest son is out of grade two, say no.
Remind yourself that you must pursue your dreams of becoming rich by leaving Steinbach.
When the mother begs to stay until the baby is born, say yes. But when the baby is overdue, insist the move take place soon. On a Sunday in March lose your patience and have the mother help with the moving of belongings. Let her drag mattresses down from the second floor where you will load up the truck the next day. This will induce labour.
Have the mother leave her beloved house for the last time, drop her off at the hospital where she will have the baby and you will finish the move to Winnipeg on your own.
Don’t worry that the house you have rented is for sale. In this way the mother will be on edge, the baby will have colic and the breast milk will be insufficient.
Make sure the mother is isolated from her Mennonite community.
Once the mother is securely dependent upon you, whether you have a job or not, smile at her and tell her that you love her.
Promise her that you will buy a beautiful house for her in the desired community as soon as you find a job.
Now that you have the mother in check, make sure the children are in check too. She will report back to you on their comings and goings. Sometimes you will need to put your foot down with your sons. But do not worry about your daughter as she has drunk the anxiety laced breastmilk and she already knows to be sensitive to the needs of others.
You have chosen wisely, a woman who has come to a new country as a girl to escape the harshness of the Siberian steppe and the Holodomor Genocide is a perfect candidate for commandeering. She will need to pray to heaven everyday as she is terrified of her own life.
The mother will of course transfer this terror to her children, particularly the younger two. The first one is obedient so there is no concern about him. Perhaps the boy will become a minister like her father during WWII after they moved from Ukraine.
Finally, buy a home near the Mennonite community in North Kildonan, a suburb of Winnipeg, where the family can attend a German speaking church.
Watch and observe how the mother injects the children’s spirits with her own religiosity.
The mother will teach the girl to sit up in bed and fold her hands. There she will tell her to listen and confess her sins. Her little lies, her thoughts must be confessed, besides she will be found out anyway as no thoughts are unseen by God. The mother is not a priest. She cannot simply tell the girl to say, “Ten Our Fathers” and “Two Hail Marys”, in order to be forgiven. The girl must continue to carry the guilt inside of her in spite of the prayers. The mother must explain how God our Father in Heaven does not like lying.
On Saturday nights after the borscht has been prepared and the buns baked, bible verses must be memorized. The mother should use the girl to practise her lessons for Sunday School.
Make sure to continue to make the Sunday visits to the hometown of Steinbach. Stop the car when the girl gets nauseous and has to throw up. Throw the bag out the window and continue on the journey.
As the girl grows, send her to a Christian camp. However, be prepared for what she learns outside the family home. Even though the child is basically good, she will be corrupted when she re-enacts the story of Job. In the theatrical role of the devil she will discover liberation from always having to be good. She will revel in it, find freedom in it and she will not care what others think of her. Thus a dualistic play will be underway. The female child will forever vacillate between God’s righteous goodness and her own evil ways.
Your job is done. But continue to remind her throughout her life that family is the most important thing in life.
